I live in a city called Udaipur. It’s situated in the Rajasthan state of India. People call it the City of Lakes. Let me show you why?
There are so many beautiful lakes in this city and I enjoy visiting all of them(that cold breeze touching your face, ahh).
But among these beautiful lakes and mountains, there is one special place. I have spent some of the most peaceful times there, I cried there, I laughed there, I have some of my most creative ideas there. That place is… drumroll 🥁
This is the terrace of my house. It doesn't look as good as the above photos but this place has magic. Yes, you heard it right, “Magic”.
To understand the magic of this place, I have to tell you a story, A Story of Omnitrix.
A Story of Omnitrix
If you are like me and watched a lot of cartoon network in childhood, you already know what Omnitrix is. It is a watch that ben wear at the Ben 10 show. He uses that watch to convert into 10 different aliens.
I was in 6 class and 13 years old. I loved watching Ben 10(my favorite alien was four-arms). My mother was going on vacation with my younger brother and as usual, I stayed home(at that time I was a very shy kid and hated going anywhere).
It was a long 4–5 days trip, so my grandmother stayed with me. On the second day, my mother call me and asked me if I am eating properly(my grandmother made me roti(Indian bread) with sugar in it and I was eating just that for breakfast, dinner, and lunch, in short, I was enjoying the time).
Then she said something which made me so happy( happy like happy, happy. I was walking with a dancing motion for the next 3 days). She told me that she will bring me the Ben 10 watch from that trip(she must have seen it in some shop).
We didn’t talk for very long, so she didn’t tell me a lot about the watch. But my mind doesn’t want to stop, it started making all sorts of stories and images. Wherever I was going, I saw the watch. I was thinking about what would I do with that watch.
Maybe I would become four- arms and walk with swag on road, maybe I will become sting-fly and fly everywhere. I also think about becoming cannonball and jumping from one roof to another. I thought everything was real and she would bring me a watch that will really convert me into aliens as ben does.
Finally, the day comes, she comes back home. It was around 7 pm and she came home and everyone was sitting there. Me, my younger brother, cousin, grandmother, and my mom. I was really excited and asked her about the ben 10 watch and my heart sank after what I heard.
She told me that she couldn’t bring me the watch because they were running late and not even watch she couldn’t bring a gift for anyone. I felt a deep sadness and after some time it converted into anger. I started crying and trying to fight with everyone around me. Then, she came near me to try to console me but I was really angry and I push her a little.
This made her really angry and she does exacty what an Indian mother does(2–3 slaps). I left the room with feelings of helplessness, sadness, and anger. I didn’t know where I was going, what I was doing, I just wanted to get away from everything and everyone.
I reached the terrace of my house and there I have seen the magic for the first time.
It was around 8 pm and I was laying on the terrace floor, it was a flood of tears. I was feeling very angry and sad. It went on like this for the next 20 minutes and then something stranger started to happen.
I started hearing all the sounds that were around me. I heard the sound of crickets, people talking, and the sound of traffic outside. These sounds were familiar and I have heard them many times but still, they felt very different.
Maybe it was my awareness that was heightened, I was hearing all the sounds and soaking them in. There were a thousand thoughts and feelings that were going through my mind just a few seconds ago and now there was just that sound and nothing else.
Then, I stand up and take a litttle walk. It didn’t felt like jumping happy but it was better than before. I was calmer and happier than when I first came on that terrace. I didn’t realize it then but it was not less than magic(finding something to hold on to, when you feel like there is nothing to hold on to).
I Want to Be There
Like many young teenagers as I was growing up, I had a lot of dreams and desires. The problem is that when we are teenagers, we are easily influenced by every shiny thing. We are beginners in almost everything and have not experienced a lot of things. So naturally, when we see someone who had the success we try to imitate them.
I was guilty of this too. I saw people who are successful and I also wanted to be like them. I didn’t think if this is something I really want? The feeling of I want to reach there and I want to achieve that was always in my head.
Did I become successful by thinking about success? No. We all know that.
It did only one thing for me it disconnected me from everything around me. The ego started getting big and it was making me less happy day after day. Even though people were many around me, I felt lonely.
Things started getting worst in 2020. The whole country was in lockdown. Like everybody, I was also staying in my home all day. It was the time when all the things that I have suppressed were standing in front of me. I felt like I have no one to support me, the life felt lifeless. I was in depression and I didn’t know the way forward.
I have no idea how it will end? I thought it will stay like this forever, all my hope was lost.
But at that time when I felt everything was lost, the magic return.
The Full Circle
I tried my first meditation in 2017. Over time I had developed a love-hate relationship with it. When I was already calm, the meditation felt good, but when I was sad and it didn’t help me, I felt it is useless.
In 2020, I started a daily meditation practice(on my terrace, of course). I did it for almost 6 months and I started noticing something familiar. The magic of the nature and presence that I have seen when I was young. I started seeing it again.
The curiosity that was inside me when I was a child, I started to notice it again.
One day I was sitting on the terrace and seeing all the birds going to their home, the open sky, the sun that was so red like a fruit.
For the first time, I didn’t felt alone, everything was just there the open sky, the birds, the sun everything. I felt grateful for all of them.
I have understood that all these things were always there for me, it was just me who didn’t notice them before.
Understanding that I am also part of all this, finally, the struggle came to an end. I saw myself for what I truly was “Life”. Like all those birds and trees around me.
I felt grateful for my life and all the things I had. There was a smile on my face while I was listening to those chirps of birds and noticing something new every time. Finally, I was home, the home I was searching for all along.
Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you like the article and found something to take with you. Do check out my profile to read more articles related to meditation, self-love, and relationships.